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Who's the Best Soldier?
Rules
None.
Winner
Kenny
Humiliation
A shirtless Spenny is vomited on by the entire crew.
Original airdate
December 1, 2008

Who's the Best Soldier? is the seventh episode of the fifth season. The guys will be put through rigorous training exercises and made to live like soldiers during two days. The judge, who is also the drill sergeant, will determine who the best soldier is. 


The CompetitionEdit

An excited Spenny is delighted at the fact that a drill sergeant will finally put Kenny in his place, and Spenny will look like the good guy. After the introduction, Spenny displaces all the furniture to emulate a barracks which the real military uses, complete with tiny cots to sleep in. Later, seperately, both elaborate on Kenny's plan, but look at it from different points of view: Spenny believes that Kenny's antics will annoy the judge so much that he will lose, while Kenny thinks that by starting off with the antics and slowly improving his behaviour will earn him the win.

The drill sergeant, CPL Francis, arrives and is greeted by Spenny at the door. Spenny shows him the barracks he's made up, and calls Kenny down. When Kenny doesn't answer, the Corporal storms upstairs and finds Kenny, wearing a long-haired wig, naked and asleep in bed. Francis puts Spenny in charge, and the latter tries to imitate the strict drill sergeant voice, but the impersonation falls flat, and this combined with Kenny's act results in a crew that can barely contain their laughter. 

Back downstairs, Kenny is disciplined by Francis, and Spenny is ordered by him to dress Kenny. When Kenny doesn't cooperate, Spenny tattles, but is reprimanded by their commanding officer for not being a team player. After both guys are dressed, CPL Francis notices Kenny's wearing a wig and mocks his attempts at doing up his buttons, but praises Spenny's appearance. He then proceeds to put Spenny in charge of all of Kenny's antics, horrifying Spenny. 

Kenny starts a fight, but turns it around and makes it look as though Spenny is humping him, and Francis catches them in the act. Francis takes Spenny outside, and when the latter is given leave to stop talking in "drill sergeant voice", he informs Francis of Kenny's behaviour stemming from a tactic to win. Francis nonetheless puts Spenny in charge of Kenny. Kenny, meanwhile, explains that, in their CO's eyes, Spenny's standing can only deteriorate while Kenny's can only improve. 

Later, Kenny smokes in the living room and is caught by Spenny. As Spenny attempts to criticize Kenny's prior actions, the latter flicks the cigarette onto Spenny's jacket. Spenny picks up the cigarette as Francis walks in, and he punishes Spenny for smoking. Kenny uses the newly afforded time to make up his bed so as to appear like he's bettering himself. 

In the park, as their first training exercise, Kenny and Spenny must perform rigorous warm-ups and run obstacle courses. After being given permission, the guys fight in the grass, which Kenny wins. As they run their first trek through the woods, Kenny feigns an ankle sprain to get out of having to run. He fools around with his crew while Spenny continues on with Francis. Once Spenny completes the run, they return home to walk laps around the block of the house. Kenny impresses CPL Francis by being able to put his gas mask on relatively quickly. Both guys need to stop walking before traveling the equivalent of 3 kilometers.

That night, Spenny fills a sock with soap bars and beats Kenny with them as revenge for making him look bad. Kenny's cries for help awaken Francis, who storms downstairs and tells Spenny off for resorting to violence. He puts Spenny on guard duty until wake-up time and goes back to bed. Later, Spenny has given up standing all night and has gone to bed. Francis has since woken up and splashes toilet water on Spenny to wake him up. Their destination is a shooting range, where Spenny already draws bad attention to himself by having his hands on a table which contains real firearms and ammunition and by dropping his earmuffs on another table. 

They move on to the range itself, where Kenny shows remarkable marksmanship and gun discipline. He has taken on the "drill sergeant voice" himself. When Spenny's turn comes, he has trouble loading the gun and keeping his thumbs in places where the recoil won't take them off. He shakes as he prepares to shoot, and misses the the target entirely. When given an assault rifle, he has difficulty looking down the sight, and after firing a few rounds, is interrupted by the shooting range's manager, who kicks Spenny out of the range. As Spenny rants about in the briefing room, Kenny further impresses CPL Francis with his gun skills. 

The guys return home, where Francis has decided who the winner is. He praises Spenny's early behaviour but does not appreciate his getting impatient and rash at all of Kenny's antics. He then says that while Spenny could become a good soldier if given enough time, he chooses Kenny for the fact that if he must go into combat, he'd take Kenny solely for the fact that "he's crazier than shit".

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